The audience listened with rapt attention, they were spellbound. Perhaps literally. I’m not sure. I was not there, I would never have gone to such a thing. It is beneath me. Maybe that’s too much, but, honestly, I’m not a fan. Anyway let me go on.
The entertainer dazzled the crowd with his sleight of hand tricks and coordination to contemporary pop music and oldies. Every trick was perfectly choreographed. It stood the test of time, by which I mean it was all timed out very precisely. The guy was a true showman, everything seemed improvised but it was tediously planned. He pulled a rabbit out of a hat that would make you shit your pants, then he stuffed it right back in and put it on his head. He knew everyone’s card, even the people who had not chosen one. He knew. He guessed? I’m not sure, but he knew.
On top of his expertise at magic tricks, he was a lively showman. He cracked jokes, one of them had something to do with an otter… I’m not sure what it was and I probably couldn’t tell it as well as he did but I am assured that it was met with uproarious laughter. People were cackling. The audience quickly learned to be careful in the timing of drinking from their alcoholic beverages, because the entertainer’s remarks were liable to cause an involuntary eruption of laughter that would dispel any liquid in an audience member’s mouth. Even those who learned to time their sips properly found themselves spewing their drinks all over the seat in front of them. The place was disgusting. Pools of spat out liquid everywhere. I’ve heard a few people even puked from laughing, and the worst part was that none of it got cleaned up until after the show because every time they got one of the staff to walk in and do it they were rendered useless by sheer force of laughter. It was glorious torture.
No one asked for their money back, not even the family of the guy who died.
After the show, the entertainer did the impossible. He wrote the perfect book, right there on stage. It took twelve hours, no one left. It was a great book. You should probably be reading that instead of this right now, honestly. It is way better. I forget what the guy said it was called, but I’m sure you’ll hear about it somewhere. All the competing publishers have announced they’re going out of business because no one is buying any other books anymore. Books are done now, and so am I.
